Slowly crawling


So where we are now?
Where am I?

Same same, all different.

Getting annoyed by the same things as always.
Thinking about the same things as always.

Things don’t really change do they.

All depends on the scale you look at things.
Or is there someone looking.

how much of our coming extinction is related to “surplus” that humans are almost the only animals that actually gather extra, thanks to a concept of ownership.
That thee can be a person, or an instance owned by persons (like company/bank) that then owns houses, plantations, animals, forest, land. Food and shelter.

Aren’t we facing the current catastrophe mainly because of surplus because of extra, because of manufacturing and wanting all the time more things to own. (I’ve been browsing webshops the past 4 days constantly, of nothing that I really need). Surplus of a state or of a person. extra. How many other animals kill of hoard things for just incase… I know some animals do taht as well, but how many of them to the extent as we?

And we, as humans, at least some of us, new that it would be coming, andd even now, when everything is so clear, there is people in places of power saying that global warming is nothing real or nothing to worry about.
Funny animals we are, but then again, we are, most of us, if any of us living in democracy.

Catalonias referendum was illegal says EU and that is why the actions of police, beating old people, beating people just being, is justified? Please, Law is always a question of agreement. it is clear that “spain” and “catalonia” haven’t agreed for a while.. so what is law then?
How is it that in “democracy” it is so illegal to cast a vote, inthe election/referendum that is illegal (=with no legal binding=no effect) that it justifies hitting people. when cars can be stolen, taxes can be avoided, people can be robbed of their houses, police never resorting to violence. And how is it possible that EU and the representatives are not able to say simply this.
How about if “spanish” government would have played it another way. Saying, ok, have your referendum. Urging everyone to go and cast a vote. to make sure with international observers that the referendum is following all the rules. And then when the referendum is clear, let’s see what this really means, withing taxes within, market within everything… Thinking of how many procentage of people actually vote… I don’t think that the vote would say yes for independence. Where as after this… I wouldn’t be sure anymore.
Personally I think that the referendum is not binding, only because there is too small procentage of population that actually voted.
But now, all have excalated and we never know. What is clear though is that EU representatives are cowards. and the spanish prime minister and the government are fuck up’s. But then again, most of the governments are complete fuckup’s… let’s not even start with finnish one.

Is there other things, yes. we are all going to die.
IT’s so relieving.
This year, I think it was already before reading Timothy Mortons “hyperObjects”, When walking through the cities I have had such a clear feeling of all this being passed already. Gone. Still here but not for long.

And I think my ideal, or wish, to have a stable home, to have a family(?) and at the same time reminding myself, that me, and the children specially have to be able to move, geographically, easily, fastly, safely. and create their safety not on place but being. I still do buy vinyls (mainly Miasmah, Sonic Pieces, Infite Greyscale), which is in total conflict with this.

Things are not stable, we are not, and I try to let go of the letting go so long that there’s no letting go.

a machine


“Somewhere, long time ago, I read that conflict is the origin of everything.
To not to agree.
To oppose a force, is to gather it, intensify.
Think of the dammed river.
Think of winds, tornados.
But eventually dam will either brake or overflow.
To resist to find something new,
To reguide.
Why am I fighting for. Why am I fighting? Or why I you? the hate, the fear?
Is violence the last resort of the unheard, not being listened, not having a change to change the environment, not having any other means of change.
When I feel I cannot affect my surroundings, be heard, I become angry… Thoughlesss violence. Little by little it becomes thought, thinking, how to affect. and then, it is called terrorism. And at the same time, it’s the byrocracy, the state, that is terrorizing me, pushing me to the point where I feel I have no option, no chances.
ONE. How can I reguide this force? how could I find options where there’s not, chance where I see none.
TWO. If your violence is born from the same, how could I support you, turn your aggression to the place of support. Without needing to defeat, without needing to crush, with out need to play it down or belittle, but to take in and turn that momentum into something that I can support?
In this world of abundance, in a world where, even with this overpopulation we could still feed and shelter and even educate us all… why do we deprive each others. Why do I feel lost and clueless on what to do, and how could I be in the place that is right for me.
If this is a machine, it should be breaked and redesigned. It’s not a machine, it’s us. can we change?”

I wrote this to a friend, thinking of a piece that I have been thinking for ages but never had the capability of actually applying the funds.
I haven’t been writing over here for such a log time, and since it feels that I would be again mainly complaining how I don’t know anything, I don’t want to write now either.

I would like to find people who would have a clear, straight forward ideas for work how would like to hear my twisted and not so straightforwards ideas for work and then work together.
It’s funny how I think that this world should really stop revolving around work and at the same time I want work. So, I don’t need work, but I need that I’m sustained and that I have meaningful things to do. It shouldn’t be so much to ask, but apparently it is.

Such is life.

day of dis….

PIc from Finland though.

We’ve been looking for bikes. To cycle from place to place. Cycles are cheap here, if you come from europe.
But if you think you’re going to use it for a month…
Yesterday we found a good bike with 300 pesos. Too good to be true.
WHen we went to pick it up this morning… yeah, the poor woman had made a mistake with the price, it was 700. Arse, mistake, hah. I donät know what she tried but mistake it was not. Maybe that I would settle for a worse bike with 400.
This place is full of talk that doesn’t mean a thing. Blaa blaa blaa.
People are trying to bullshit in everywhere. But here blaa blaa blaa is a rule, not exception.

So now I have to find a bike. again. maybe.

paypal refuses to work with me when paying to US. I do not know why.
I hope they’ll tell me. I think they’re trying to bullshit me as well.

But something totally different from all of this.
After telling my friend Weazie about Jozef Van Wissem and It is all that is made He returned a link to ubuweb’s Van Wissem site. And my god, rom there you can find forthcoming Ex Patris (from important records, on vinyl apparently). Ex Patris continues the same awesomeness and beauty as It Is All That Is Made. Superbly Superbly beautiful. From ubuweb you can also hear A Priori which is also super good, but these two works of 2009 are overwhelmingly good.
I’m happy so happy that one funny day I was visiting a local new recordstore in helsinki and just ecause of the covers I picked up Jozef’s Stations of the cross, I like it, enough that I got more, like A Rose By Anyother Name and A Priori and then It Is All That Is Made I’m so happy.

Right now my ears are filled with Black Boned Angel’s and Nadja’s collaboration. The “new” full lenght one. And sure it’s not Christ Send Light, but something slightly else. However this far I do like it.

I’m so sad about the bike. I’m so happy about the music.

Every weekend, fri to sun here is a market very close by. I’ve been getting a lot of bomillas. Gues what you’re going to get for souveniers?
Today there was a stall by a woman who makes knives. I’m such a sucker for knives. There was this one super beautiful one, and I had to keep telling myself that it’s unpractical for me, it’s made for skinning small animals, it’s not for me, I wouldn’t use it.. But it was so beautiful. I didn’t got it though. ANd I won’t get it tomorrow either (?)

SOS is full and now people are not even signing up for the waiting list so much anymore which is ok.

I think about coming back to finland. Going to russia and ukraine. My life and how it doesn’t seem to go anywhere even I’m going from place to place.
Most of the stuff comes down to couple of questions: “What is important?” “What do I want?”
I love to dance. Hire me.

Home again


Back home.

I though I would come home, go to shower and make some good cup of coffee. shite.
I open the door and see that the floor is covered with fine grey dust. I call my fatjer and ask what has happened. he doesn’t know, and recommends to call caretakers. They don’t know either. the whole flat is full of fine grey dust, from somewhere. there is renovations going on in this house but they don’t have any idea where and how it has become to this flat.

So instead of shower and coffee I start to clean up the mess. then I go and get some albums of which I’ll probably write later.

Right know I’m not feeling so goood and I’m thinking is it because of the dust, or is here something else in the air. Or should I just eat more? But no, I don’t think it’s the lack of eating..

let’s see…

See the chair, is full of dust. Let’s see how long my iMac survives and if it dies how the hell I can prova that it’s because of the dust and get it out of my home insurance?

Travelling was fine, I just hoped that the home coming would have been much more pleasant.


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