Color and Shame

Ah

Yesterday…
walking in frankfurt this started to play in my head…
did a first version… this is the 2nd one lacking voices… and even this could be sharper…
I wait for the day that I do these super well…

Somehow… strange times we are living, Brexit and colonialism and Brasil and EU and Trump and everything.

And I’m in love, not handeling it well, Wanting to handle it much better.

Unkind of me

Ah

School has ended yet, I should write two text. Another ones deadline is tomorrow, another is on 1st of september but since I know I’ll leave and go through festivals from 9th of august till 13th of september I really should write it now. Before the 8th…

But instead of writing I recorded a song that is very old. Again I doubled, with garage bands and air’s own mic’s so it’s not like amazing.. but I wish I can records this one sometime later really well.. well. I hope the same with all of my songs but it’s clear I need people for that.

Anyway, for this one I have a video in my head.. I think.. but.. you know.

Fresh and Decayed

Ah

So since I didn’t go to the mountains.
And since I should work for my “referat”.
Ans since Hannah borrowed her guitar.
And since Pauliina ask me about music.

I played guitar after a long while.
Decided to use the “poem” I made as a lyrics.

Recorded it and doubled it.
Again not really polished but hey…

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Crows

Ah
Just a short note.
Rob Crow is Great.

For a long time I haven’t checked Temporary residence’s webpage, well. i don’t have the money… But my god, I better get it and soon :D

Listen to this.

rob crow – sophistructure

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

I love it.

And it’s old already.
Actually Rob has one of the most beautiful voices in the rock pop industry.. sure, tehre’s hundreds of others, but his voice is also very recognizable.
Great stuff indeed.

Gain All Wisdom

Ah

Same place.
Every time I got out today it started to rain.
So wet I get.
Only one pair of shoes since I haven’t picked to other ones from Patricia. But hey, they would get wet too.

Reading through Queering Anarchism.
It’s interesting. But I do wonder how we can cast aside all categories.
And if there is categories is it possible not to have hierarchies.

And then I remember one blog writing from Kaaro in HS, about the tribe whose “rule” is that no one can have power over the other, not even adult over the children. So you can give advises, but you can’t demand, or threat. And then i wonder is it just inside of their society, or do they treat other tribes like that as well. And is it still working, are they there somewhere.

Anyway, humans are categoring machines, it’s part of the survival. And easily those categories are labelled with plusses and minuses. But then, why anything that other people do or be, not concerning me, should be either plus or minus. Well, because the other people create me. And it’s easier to understand what I am if there is only binary system. It’s just simple, but most of us know that simplicity isn’t the nature of the nature. There is the norm.. but norm is actually the most common… and pretty much no one is exactly the most common. It’s the average of all, and no one is that either. The average is collided, melted mix of qualities, but pretty much everyone actual person is divergent somehow of that average.
It’s a picture, almost like ideal, except that it’s not really ideal, just average.

Still the questions which arises about state and individual and freedom are extremely important, they’ve always been but I feel them even more important now when so many power structure are really twisted and working wrong.. So question is, do we really need them at all?
And yet, always when I think of ideal, I think of much smaller community, set of people. How to get everything work with this global net we’re having seems very difficult, and yet, must not give up hope.
Actually, I tell I lie, Give up all hope. Hope does little.
Life is amazing, awesome and beautiful. Even when it’s not.

ok, back to personal. How I label, categorise things, and why am I so intrigued when someone doesn’t fit into my, yes usually, binary system… and yet.. how to make it work otherwise.
I remember one person complaining about mens and womens Sauna, what if he doesn’t feel to fit either one.. But at the same time, most of people who are not ok with the mixed sauna, are using the categories of men and women… and no, s/he didn’t tell which categories we should ask.. But next time when I meet hrem I’ll ask.
It’s so easy in finnish when the personal pronoun is void of gender.. it can be whatever.
In english, it’s much harder, even the language uses binary.
So why then when I see a person I can’t put into binary, I really get intrigued which where to place her/him? Why would it matter unless I have some desires… actually even then, even if I would have sexual or romantic desires towards her/him.. why should the binary matter… because?
At the same time.. I know that I’m not really attracted, this far, to persons I can’t set on the opposite binary than myself. So why do I need to know the binary? Beats me, cultural programming?

However, reading about how actually state has been forging the binary gender and the male “dominance”, made me think of something I read from Giorgio Agamben, but it was a bad pdf… so then I surfed a bit of amazon and made about 300€ basket, which I of course cannot buy at the moment. Although one hundred of that is books of Dogen and the rest Giorgio A..

Funnily enough when trying to solve my computer problem, I found out that well.. maybe just getting bigger screen and wireless kayboard and trackpad.. yes another 300€

The same the same.

Looking for a room. Have seen few nice ones, but it’s ot only me choosing.

Somewhere very far someone is making the way on the train. I think it should be here already.

I come to believe UG, there is no orginal though anywhere.

And that brings to my mind this Butoh school in somewhere north india. Princess Pilar has told me stories about it, and jsut now Jonathan told more stories.. I started to feel that I will find myself over there at some point. But maybe I’m totally wrong.

Old Jesu is greater than the new I’m afraid. Old Unholy is great, still after all these years. I don’t even think it’s nostalgia, I think it’s just good.

I have to activate my writing… to write.
Eventhough everything is being said a long time ago…

Btw, blog is a such and easy format, I even though about making one for the poems… but now..
well.. I don’t know… maybe I keep it in old way html in darlingdear.net

Good night and good luck to you all

Rainy and Gray

ah

In Frankfurt.

It rains a lot over here it seems.

Staying at Katja’s and Patricks. Taking care of the dog and two cats. Well, their roommate has been taking care at elast as much as me.. Like today I haven’t even gone out because I only have tabis whch would get totally wet.

Trying to find a place to live, and get teh byrocracy sorted.
Tomorrow I go see one room.
Next week I think I need to visit the school if I don’t hear from them since I should get 2 papers to finland on next week. Luckily in electronic form.

The UNI starts on 14th.. soon. I can stay here till end of the month, which is great.
Too bad Katja is leaving now when I’m here.

We will have a small class it seems, 7, but 7 is a good number.

The deadline I set didn’t hold. How I keep in trust. And at the same time I feel strangely indifferent.
There’s some anxiety under, somewhere, so far that I’m not even sure is it there.
There’s nothing much either, except that there is.

Thinking back of the summer and how great it was. and how great this is.
Is it?
Why is it?
it is.

Knowing… there’s some sense of growing knowledge, about something that I don’t know yet.

And yes, part of me hopes and thinks that it will turn everything better.
But the knowing tells me that everything is better already.

Going throught the bookself of K&P… nice stuff, I hope I can borrow them when they’re on their way, which they will be.

From the depths of computer and harddrives I found brilliant music. Juana Molina, one album but I need to hear more, since, since Segundo sounds mainly great.
Le Mystère Des Voix Bulgares by Bulgarian state tv and radio choir is amazing as well.
And right now I’m listening to Benoit Pioulard which has been with me for a long time but I haven’t really listened to it. And now I do, and I think I will listen more.

My own musical adventures don’t really go anywhere much.

I have bunch of pictures on my camera from the summer which I want to upload to darlingdear.net’s photo section, and eventually I will.

This computer of mine starts to brake up… when I press the sides of it… like not the trackpad but like 5 cm from the track pad, it’s still the same as I would push the track pad. Which makes writing bit difficult since I can’t really lay my hands on top of it, but need to hold them bit on the air..
It’s how it is.

Wondering the future like always, but it’s interesting, now I have a structure so I know I’ll be “free” on second week of february, which is hopefully SOS…

By the Way, the prices of Kisakeskus have suddenly gone up with 9 euros per day… Every previous year the price went up about one euro/person/day, now it’s suddenly 9euros/person/day.. I don’t know what is happening but it looks like we need to find new place for the festival… Unless we can talk some sense into that. Or then just stop organizing the whole thing. But really I was thinking of organising some smaller even in kisakeskus during the summer, but with these kind of price rates… maybe not.

Anyway, after SOS I have about 6 weeks free… but I really think I need to make some money.. or work.. I was already hopeful of teaching.. but, well, the original suggestion I got didn’t sound super realistic, and now it’s not going to happen..

I need to write a plan of the piece I want to make in Sevilla, and soon… But to get funding for that so soon… Uh, I’m not sure of… Maybe.

All and all, it’s sometimes hard to be yourself when you feel that being yourself, and not playing along certain roles is making things more difficult… but then again, what is difficult and what kind of roles you want to play?

Partly letting go of everything, as much as I can.
Partly holding on of something.

This society, way of living will brake down.
It has happened so many times before.
Maybe now, humans, if we survive are able to create some other system instead of repeating the old.

And maybe I can find that place already now, before the fall.

Relapse

Ah

Should do should do, instead I’m sick.
Flu is not nice, luckily tomorrow is the last performance for a while.

Yes yes… eventually I will write, about freedom, control, imaginary being equals present being and so on.

Relapse

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Relapse 2nd version

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Palestine

Ah
Err..
I have no idea why the name.

I’ve meaning to write. I haven’t
At some point.
(I break)

An improvisation. Second play for the guitar, but the first time for lyrics.
turned out… well things turn out.

Palestine

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Lullaby

Don’t know, meaning to write but then I don’t.
About freedom about lot of things..

Picked up my acoustic today and singing playing took me on a little trip.
Accepting is difficult.

Played and sang this just now, but concentrated bit too much on actual words, so melody lacked something. It’s how it is.
Lull

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

We will clean our mess

Katya filmed this. An improvisation.
Very important moment for me.

Productivity

Ah

Well, today is a bit more difficult.
But enjoyed the sea even if didn’t swim, and company as well.

played guitar. recorded this.
Why bother to cencor.

Just

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

A Place

ah

Well. New post. I had a great experience in MTP when we were supposed to start cleaning but instead we started singing song. and then someone put guitar in my hand and I sang a song. and people liked it (Of course all of them are my friends more or less, but still). Maybe I put that song over here too if Katya send me the video.

Anyway. Now in cagliari, on the livingroom there was couple of guitars so I picked one.
Don’t listen to the words, there is none.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

It would be (top 2011)

ah

Pic not being anyway connected to the topic.
Actually I don’t know what is the topic.

Let’s say, that, Talking is easy for me, for some people it’s not. And talk sometimes it’s so hard to find the words to express sensation or sensations specially when sensations can be conflicting. Since I try to teach CI I try to be good at that, but it doesn’t necessarily help because a lot of people do not relate to the words I use same way as I do, and even more importantly don’t relate the way I say the words. How ever. I need to remember this when I talk with my dear girlfriend, and maybe I understood one way for us the communicate somethings a bit more easier. MAybe not, who knows. But moods change.

Year changed. THis was the 3 new year I’m with the people I don’t really know much. But this time it was the most easiest. Maybe because she was here and I feel more easy and happy about that than last new year. Last time I was the only one not understanding the most common language used. Now there was 2 of us. I don’t know. Anyway there was some awesome musicians playing all night pretty much, some nice paella, beer, wine, dessert(s).And I enjoyed. mainly hearing people playing. I almost think I should get bit more into samba and bossanova.

So it’s again time that I would want to make the list of best musical albums of 2011, and I can’t.
I haven’t been home, even though I have listened to music, I think almost none of that has really come out on 2011
I haven’t even really gotten into Aidan’s stuff this year.
So I checked my last.fm charts since they should give a pretty good feel what I’ve been lsitening (remembering I don’t been home so no vinyl playing almost at all.

Blut Aus Nord is on top and true, hearing 777 – sects really got me into it so I listened all the previous albums as well. Don’t have any idea why I haven’t found them earlier, but good that I did now. I wonder can I still get 777 – sects on vinyl.

She Said Destroy is second. This City Speaks In Tongues was out years ago, and I have NO idea why I didn’t get it then since their previous album was one of the greatest metal albums for a long itme. but I didn’t. I got into it now. Great great stuff.

Rally is totally inherited from last year. I got them at the end of 2010.. But great great great and specially since you can get the albums for free, you should, and pay a bit too. Because the music of Rally (=SUmmen) is marvelloous.

Virus is virus olthough The Agent that Shapes the Desert haven’t really hit me so hard yet. I think it will. maybe.

The surprise is MAstodon, because it is actually their lates album that got out on 2011 that I’ve been listening to. I haven’t really gotten into the older ones although all the hype. New one has some great great songs. Really good. Yeah. Listen “octopus has no friends” makes me feel good.. the guitar thing that comes after chorus is super.

One super thing I found only this year (years late again) is Plutonium 74. Great stuff. I’m so happy I accidentally played “Radio menee Ylös” as a first song, because if I would have heard some more “traditional” reggae piece maybe I wouldn’t have gotten into it so much. I admit that the album is very uneven for me, but the fore mentioned song plus “Putoaako poikamme taivaalta” and specially “ruisleipää ja lakipykäliä” are so bloody superb that just those three justify three albums all together. Ruisleipää ja Lakipykäliä is actually one of the best songs for long time, the combination of happiness, nostalgia, melancholia, joy, reality and surreality is so so so awesome.

Next one hitting my eye on the list is Clair Cassis. Sounds like Velvet Cacoon because it is Velvet Cacoon. Best song names ever like “Antique Sea Smoke” and “Rosewater Cake“. But I like.

One Great album is Sylvain Chauveau‘s Singular Forms. I haven’t listened Chaveau before eventhough I have gotten recommendations. So I listen to it, and am wondering how he got David Sylvian to sing on his album, but then that it’s not Sylvain, but someone who sounds a lot like him and Davind Sylvian has the Voice. And then I find out that is mister Sylvain himself who is singing… My god, He needs to sing more on the albums.

I heard The Dodos from my friend Jenny. And eventhough I still haven’t listened all of their songs its mainly because I got stuck in Winter which is one of the best songs ever.

Other thing that I just found is Silversun Pickups can’t figure out why I didn’t find them earlier, but when I’m getting home I try to get them all from Ville, because Pikul is great.

I never though I would be in anywya country music, but Micah P. Hinson might change that a bit. Although if he wouldn’t have made the first song A Call to Arms such a beutiful instrumental He would never be mentioned because I would have never listened the album as far as I did.

Sinnbus has been one of my favourite labels mainly because of Torchous and Kam:As this year brough me also I might be Wrong (listen A Propos, chorus is a killer) and maybe Hundreds

There has been somuch of music that I would just easily label as “ambient” although not really ambient, so that I can’t remember all. Hey, since Stars of the Lid‘s “And Their Refinement of the Decline Haven’t been on any Top list I’ll add it here, That Album is pure Brilliance.
Other thing I would like to add just because of the last seconds of Burning Bridges Together is Twells & Christensen‘s Coasts I have listened that guitar for hours (looped it once with Traktor)

One more that I should have gotten straight away after release but for some unkown reason didn’t is Autolux‘s Transit Transit I think it’s as good as their debut, which is a lot. Hoping that Future Perfect actually was their debut.

This year I’ve been trying to find metal, good metal. Sometimes succeeding.

Murmuüre is sold out already from Paradigm records and I’m not surprised at all (I didn’t get it, but got the vinyl from Aurora Borealis). I don’t kno what to say about it. But it’s great.

Other thing which is somehow wierd to even mention is Altar of Plagues‘s Mammal because I’m not sure have I still listened the whole 4 songs but actually what happens at 8:14 on Neptune is Dead makes it already on this years list, funny enough.

Other release of Paradigms that comes to this list also mainly because the first song is Westering‘s Help a body There something in the soundworld that really works for me.

Anyway, soon I’ll be back in finland and have lot more to music to listen.. I wish I just find the place and time.
I just made my Ipod a playlist of some stuff I come up this past year that I should really catch up. Can I please somehow work with listening music?
Please.
This abudance is kind of too much. But I’m happy about it.
BTW September Malevolence AND Scraps of Tape has released new albums. Am I exited, yes a bit since SoT has always been good and SM’s previous album is absolutely amazing having a bass sound that makes me cry.

According to hippies and new age freaks this year will bring the change or starting of it. Watching the happenings in US (oocupy) Russia (demonstrations against Putin) and Arab world I can almost feel it. and I hope the change comes but does something else than in Egypt (where Fundamental islamist basically won the elections). All the Bes for all of you.

some beats

ah

Yesterday I needed to wait for a plane.
Played with iKaossilator.

And did somethings earlier.

Here is a few clip.

Dark Breeze

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Little Khaos

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Big Jazz

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

In Brasil, in a beatiful house by the se, on an upstair studio.
Great.
Rainy stormy day.
Waves crushing on to the shore.

Tomorrow.

Monopot

ah

This is somethig I’ve been meaning to write a long long time, but somehow, my writing about music never gets it.
I don’t have the theoretical base for that, and more importantly, unlike philosophy or religion, when we are not talking about ideas but an actual song, I find it hard to reason why am I writing and not just posting up music.

I found Monopot long time ago. Still living in outokumpu. They were on smalltown supersound, which was also releasing Kim Hiorthøy and Jaga Jazzist. I don’t remember much except that I found bleep.com mp3 shop and over there I had the chance to listen to the songs, Hiorthøy and Monopot. At the time they had a bug on the player on their site. Mainly the player played 30 sec on anysong, but the nice thing was that you could choose any part of the song. However the bug was that if you put the song playing and then opened new tab on your browser it didn’t cut it to 30 sec but played the whole song.

I remember listening Sundried from their first album “something is like nothing was” and being happy. Such a simplicity, such a fullness and richness of feeling. Even now, after countless of listenings when I listen the song it brings the tears of joy in my eyes.

Few days I spent looking for a shop where to buy the actual physical albums. It was a bit hard, but then I think I found them in such a banal place as cdon.com.
They had made 2 albums and one ep and I ordered all of them at the same time.
Somehow I think I had heard Kim’s mix of Sane and really liked it (it’s still one of my favourite Hiorthøy tracks, because after remix it’s pretty pure Kim)

So I got the albums and they more or less blow me away.
From some review I had read this phrase of monopot being like Mogwai on valium. And someway that still rings true.
And somehow it doesn’t. Because of course when labelling things, Monopot certainly has it’s attachments with post-rock, and what relates them to Mogwai is the quality of songs. (Well, now mogwai has done several albums, some pieces good some bad, the advantage of monopot is that since they only made two albums they don’t have any of the “bad” songs). The music is slow, peaceful, melancholic, beautiful as…, lyrics are simple yet, brilliant although I rarely really listen what are they saying, for me it’s more about the atmosphere that they create. I often notice that I have a lot of lines of the lyrics on my head.
One important thing, at least for me, that really mmm separates (maybe too strong word, but still) Monopot from the most of the “post-rock” acts is that they don’t really do these huge crecendos, somehow everything always stays mm.. not controlled, but on the stream… like it doesn’t spill over, the intensity is made huge by having it in the stream, not spilling it over the edges. And it’s one of the things that really makes the music so extremly powerfull, such a slowliness yet such power and intensity.
Actually when I think about it the whole term post-rock doesn’t seem to apply so much on to them. Maybe post-pop. There is rock, for sure, it’s a trio. But in the repetition and simplicity of the song is also huge amount of pop sensibility.

Some people are holding one album better than other. for me they’re both great and I don’t see any sense holding either one better, because we are moving in such a spheres of brilliancy that there’s no point trying to pin down which one would be better. Of course “something is like nothing was” is older, by the sounds somehow and production.
The sound world of Optipess is more lush… but is it better. For those songs it is better.

Speaking about the lushess… Listen the opening of the album Diamant… It’s like someone is pouring honey (in all the good senses) all over you.. like a slow welcomed avalanche of honey…

Liquid drop on paper…

These two albums (I have to say that I haven’t listened the 4 song ep that much) have been absolutely saviours ever since I heard them. They have been all the time on my iPod (If you look at my last fm stats monopot is on second, and they only have two albums, so it tells something how many times I’ve been listening those albums over again)

Everytime I’ve felt that I need them, never has the music failed to save me, to bring me back or take me away.

For a long time I was looking for new albums, tried to figure out what has happened (there’s not much info on the net of them) but I didn’t found much. last december One kind soul posted me through last.fm that I should check Black Smoke Records and Rally and Summen on their rooster. According to the site Rally is somehow continuation of Monopot. Later Rally changed the name to Summen. And true I can hear Monopot there. And thus far both albums are great as well. Only thing that I miss is the voice, the singing, the words. Nevertheless I am really greatfull that the same musical vein is continuing (quite a lot actually, listen to Smalltown Superbored from Optipess and then listen to Blind Crest from Rally’s Spoiler, same same but different). Since the last december (you can download the albums for free) also those two have been on my iPod continuously. And they have the same quality, I can’t really pick bad songs in there. But I miss the voice.

Anyway. I really really recommend that you visit Black Smoke Records and get those albums. And if possible give them some money as well. Of Monopot, I really recommend that you find and buy the albums. I’m not sure how easily you can find them from internet, but nevetheless. For such a great music, it would be nice that the makers would get something.

Enjoy.

From Something Is Like Nothing Was:
Once

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.


Sundried

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.


Alien Me Alien

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

From Optipess:
Diamant

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.


Bomb of Bliss

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.


Smalltown SuperBored

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Bright Red

ah

Went to see a room. but it was way too expensive… I rather go back to finland.
In search for house/room, work, scooter. Que Bien.

People are nice though.

Soon off to the festival.
I don’t know what to think or to think.
Not think. No think.
No thing.

Anyway… since I don’t get this done I just decided to put it here.
Bright Red. Like it a lot.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Of course it still lacks things, like bass and set of strings on the end… but hell…
Let’s see if I get them done at some time.

Feel Free.

Somehow, here

ah
So now.

What was I going to tell?
That nothing much changes around here.

No room no flat no house.

So back in finlandia…
From Russia where teaching was nice, but the country is heavy.
In metro both St. Peter and Moscow are all the time anouncements that “if you see anyone suspicious, please inform the officers”. In every train station you go trhough metal detectors. and in domestic flights they’re very tight as well.
SO you can’t trust your citizens, should you look about your innerpolitics then. For some reason that I can’t really tell or even know I felt St Peter specially heavy. as a city, as an atmosphere. The people I met in the workshop and who I know from there already are lovely… but something in that city is heavy and making me aggressive… I felt that even when I was coming back… I was there only 6 hours with delightful company of Anja, but I feel the city…
And somehow I would have expected that moscow would have been more heavier… but no.. Who knows. things changes we feel what we feel.

There’s been a long time… Before that I was teaching in Freiburg. Lovely town. Lovely space to teach and lovely people on the workshop and lovely host who’s lovely roommate was out for the weekend and lended me her bike. Biking is great. The city is nice sized. I started to wonder what the hell I’m doing in finland anyway and why did I choose what I chose. Did I chose? Everytime I see full moon I think of her, but then, to think “what if” about past is useless. To think about “what if” about future is not so useless… but there’s not so much point either.

So what now?

Pretty soon I’ll go to ibiza. what there? something…
What then? I’ll go to kiev festival
And then? I’ll go back to ibiza…

So what I’ve been thinking lately?
Why I need to buy things when I don’t even have home where to use those things
Enlightment and how we all are illuminated already, eventhough we do not sense it.

I’ve read “zen mind, beginners mind” by shunrye suzuki.
I’m reading “moon on a dew drop” by dögen…
And I’m reading echart tolle the power of now.
Tolle is surprisingly nice, although he is making some “mistakes” in his explanation… But the practicality of his approach, just to be at the present moment, is very nice… since I lack the dicipline to sit in zazen every day.
But in many ways from all these books I still recommend the most Alan Watts’ the Book. He is so very clear and empathic and even humoristic.

Musicwise, well more drone/ambience… I can’t really tell so clearly anything… New album coming from Ulver. so I should be happy and probably when I hear it I’ll be more than… Listened Colosseums first album and it’s good. It’s very good. Found some nice black metal as well. which is somehow not so serious.. or maybe it is.. but song names like “rosewater cake” doesn’t sound too evil for me. And HAH just now when I check it’s the same members as in Velvet Cacoon so No bloody wonder why it’s so good. Darn I need to get these.
Also TotalSelfHatred‘s first one is good. maybe the rest them as well but haven’t listened them yet. And since we’re on blackmetal, of course the latest one from Deathspell Omega is good, but hey, what else it could be. One more balck metal thing I got long time ago but haven’t mentioned is Cold Body Radiation‘s The Great White Emptiness, rather nice if I remember right. But lately…
well couple last days Ive been listening the Cardigans’ “first band on the moon” and it’s blody great… somehow in the time I “found” The Cardigan’s I never got into that album… but it’s as brilliant as Emmerdale and Life. great great great. listen Step On Meor Losers. Great great great.
Old albums, but so good… Also listened Emmerdale again and Over the Water and Rise & Shine just make me cry from joy… they’re so great.

Within an hour registration for Freiburg festival opens. I think I’ll sign up, eventhough right now i’m not 100% sure I’ll go. Just today I was checking festivals for the summer… there is but I have no idea where I’ll go except ECITE and ETIC are pretty sure.

Yesterday I saw Noora after a while and today I danced with Ilona and chatted with Katja. I’m so glad that there is such a persons in my life. And they’re not the only ones. Oh how Lucky I am.

There’s things I want to work with.
Do I really.

Sorry for the spelling mistakes, too tired to check them now.

Good night and good luck to you all.

Top 2010 kinda

Well. I remember this being hard already last year, and now it’s even harder.
So why should I do it?
I notice that more I travel the less I really listen or find new music and nevertheless I do find music, but it’s not necesarily new in means that it would have released on 2010.
So I just mention a few, not in any kind of order.

William Basinski - Vivian and Ondine
William BasinskiVivian and Ondine
OK, released december 2009. However, superb as mister Basinski’s work usually.
Please go to his page (link above) and order.

Songs of Flowers and Skin
Aidan BakerSongs of Flowers and Skin
Release if I remember right. Nevertheless great work, more song than ambience oriented. I like.

Recyclings two
Bass Communion / Vidna ObmanaContinuum recyclings volume two
Remixes by Justin Broadrick. Yeah.

final + ffb
Final + Fear Falls Burning
Yes this is good.

perfect gap
Summen Perfect Gap
Great great great. I have to write more about this and Monopot. And it’s FREE. Although I really recommend to either make a donation or then order the cd-r

Spoiler
RallySpoiler
Great great great great. This is between monopot and Summen. Superb I’ll write more. And it’s FREE. I think these two might be the “saviours” of 2011.

Since this don’t really tell much. I’ll add few lists from last.fm.

Artist

Albums

Tracks

Click to see it bigger.

King of Wisdom

Ah
Somewhere in Kiev, last summer. Wether some one was lost, or just into the tv series. I do not know. However. I’m far more lost now, than then.

Over here long time ago I wrote how you hear things wrong.
And I also noticed that I have wrote about Breach only once. Which doesn’t make much sense since the past two years I’ve been listening to it a lot and frequently.

I hate being left waiting. When I’m told that we’ll meet around 7 and then clock gets to nine.
Just like my mother. Probably that’s why I hate it. Well over two years ago in Ibiza I was waiting for Vale. It was my second last day in the island… She was tremendously late, I got more and more frustrated and angry so I went to run, and put Breach coming out of my iPod. I ran fast, on my own scale, much faster and much longer than I though. I used to hate running.

After that, Breach has played in my iPod a lot. I notice that I rarely listen to it at home, but often when I’m running or going somewhere, I do.
For some reason the rhythm section has such a.. groove. I don’t know how else to call it. When talking about HC it’s hard to think of groove but it just rolls. It rolls on with unstoppable force. Forward, motion, and not pushing, rolling, easily, but with mass.
Great.

Ah and new things to think about. I need to move soon. I have no idea where and with what money. My life have been so easy because I haven’t had to pay rent really… And now that is going to change. Well, I knew it will change at some point, soon enough, but maybe not quite as soon. Oh well. Why worry.

So we start to be more and more in a similar situation.
I’m more and more lost.

For a long time, well till yesterday I always heard that it’s “king of wisdom” yesterday I found some lyrics which says “Gain all wisdom”. Yes, “gain all wisdom” makes more sense, but is it better? I know not. I feel that if I ever had anything called wisdom it has been long gone by now. Long gone. And just to make it clear that those lyrics are from song “common day” which I’m not going to place here. But if you’re really interested, you will find it. Instead I’ll place here “Game in Vein”, just because the beatiful example of rolling forward.

Ah, now it’s coming, the slight panic.. or uneasiness. About moving, about everything really changing. And not necessarily for better. But then again, how would I know it?

I need help. That is for sure.

BreachGame in Vein

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Come on come on, don’t you get bored with

ah
Time ago in romania. and good coffee, in a nature day.

Again I’m completely lost of what and why am I writing.

Went to local new age/hippie store to ask some books and check tarot cards. What am I?
Anyway I was lookign for Zhuang Zhoun’s Zhuang Zi, a book that is around the same time as tao te jing. Another “base” book of taoism. Well the problem is of course the alphabets. And ow to translate chinese. The woman in a bookshop found four different ways to write the author. at least. and then to know is it really the book that I’m looking for… She also showed me I Ching, the famous version. well I hanged around looking and suddenly she says to me, Hey I found the book you were looking for from the shelf but written like this: Chuang-Tzu. Well great. I also found really beatiful version of Tao Te Jing in finnish, but just couldn’t afford it. And I bought one slim version of I Ching.

Now, when consulting I Ching is rather easy. If you just tell yourself to be modest, compassionate, calm, acceptive, gentle, you’re pretty much done… So no need to consult anything.

Last week I was performing. First in Riga, (where I got some sign by the way. Just wishing I would know what the hell do they mean) where the performance went rather well. And then on next day in Helsinki where the performance went well, but I felt it wasn’t so… calm, like descended.. I don’t know the right words really. Because I was much more nervous in Riga, and the timings were really the same, so I can’t say that Helsinki one would have been hasty, but somehow it wasn’t… as full, hard to describe. Didn’t get much feedback but the little I got was mainly positive of course. Nice thing was that my father came to see it (and my mother too, but that was no surprise), and afterwards he said that he understood something about it. I asked was there something to understand? well maybe there was. It’s nice.
Anyway, the performance, already before talking to Katri, made me, again, think about dance and acting… how far or close they are together. And in a way to me it has something to do with the approach. Like I had a lot of things in the solo that have a ot to do with expressions, but I approach them with physical task or interest, where as if I think I would be acting I would approach them with more emotional content… Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t even know does it matter much, after all, I have no idea when I’ll perform again. Well, I don’t even know where I’ll be in a five days time.

My skin is still pushing out stuff. And I’m getting very tired of this. One set of antibiotics. Big scars. Loads of ayuervedics. Another set of antibiotics. And still… I wonder will they give me more antibiotics or actually do some test this time. Yesterday Jari recommended aloe vera, orally. not on the skin, ut to eat because it pushes all the bad stuff away and helps the skin also from the inside.
I do not know.

I noticed that I can never be producer, music one. At some point I was thinking of that, but nowdays I notice that I just don’t care enough of the sounds, I care of the melodies, riffs, rhythms, and if they work.. well the sounds have to be really bad to mess it up. I know they can, but still.

These weeks before have been so tearing, and this week has been quite easy. I just haven’t been thinking much. I still think I might leave in few days, and I might not. What I have learned that love is just not enough. I wish it would, but it is not, there needs to be other things and qualities as well if you think of living together with someone. After all I did love Valeria but it was soon so evident that living together would be just too much. And I still love talking, discussing about things of importance and of no importance, because eventually not much of things have the importance, except love of course.. Or art or living or right and wrong and good and bad.

And I don’t know why do I live.
It’s a mystery, like for so many of us, but I feel that I would need to.. hell, even to feel that there’s a reason. I don’t need to know.

Long time ago, and I think I’ve written about this before, I though that suicide is for cowards. Now days I startto think that people who commit suicide are either extremely drowned in suffering or really brave or both. Because the biology keeps us living, without anyother reason. And I know there’s no other reason to live except to live. So what is the big deal then. Why all this trouble. We live how we can.. Why do I want to be happy, even remotely happy.

And why it is so hard to find ways to be happy… when drowned all of this society and getting along.. buy things get more money be succesful.. what the hell is to succeed?
Nothing ever fills me. And I’m always fulfilled. I want to believe that, I just need to realise and experience that as well…

So nothing much…
Few things about music.
Final/Fear Falls Burning collab is great. I like it more than either ones work alone. Beta Lactam records have been annoying me since post lost their packet they send long time ago, but I wished thay would have let me know when they sent it.. But they’ve been having troubles anyway. Nevertheless I want to thank them and mister Aidan Barker for releasing Songs of Flowers and Skin. Because it’s is great. I really like when mister Baker goes Poppy and Songy eventhough I do appreciate drone/ambient stuff as well. But Songs of Flowers and Skin is to me very close to Green and Cold and Figures. Actual songs. And again having this strange rhythm things… like drums wouldn’t be always exact on the beat, and somehow it sound great.
Been listening quite a few times Mono’s Holy Ground live, and they’re good, they are. Also tried to get into Shining’s black jazz, but the only song I really get into is Fish Eye and specially the extended version (vinyl only?) of it.
“New” Jaga Jazzist was a dissapointment, to be honest, but it’s not bad, it’s just that the expectations were so high. Trying to find new metal, but been very hard to find anything worth mentioning at the moment. I have to listen more stuff though. Ulver, Aidan and Nadja still playing a lot.

That isn’t all, but it’s all for now…

Next Page »