Rainy and Gray

ah

In Frankfurt.

It rains a lot over here it seems.

Staying at Katja’s and Patricks. Taking care of the dog and two cats. Well, their roommate has been taking care at elast as much as me.. Like today I haven’t even gone out because I only have tabis whch would get totally wet.

Trying to find a place to live, and get teh byrocracy sorted.
Tomorrow I go see one room.
Next week I think I need to visit the school if I don’t hear from them since I should get 2 papers to finland on next week. Luckily in electronic form.

The UNI starts on 14th.. soon. I can stay here till end of the month, which is great.
Too bad Katja is leaving now when I’m here.

We will have a small class it seems, 7, but 7 is a good number.

The deadline I set didn’t hold. How I keep in trust. And at the same time I feel strangely indifferent.
There’s some anxiety under, somewhere, so far that I’m not even sure is it there.
There’s nothing much either, except that there is.

Thinking back of the summer and how great it was. and how great this is.
Is it?
Why is it?
it is.

Knowing… there’s some sense of growing knowledge, about something that I don’t know yet.

And yes, part of me hopes and thinks that it will turn everything better.
But the knowing tells me that everything is better already.

Going throught the bookself of K&P… nice stuff, I hope I can borrow them when they’re on their way, which they will be.

From the depths of computer and harddrives I found brilliant music. Juana Molina, one album but I need to hear more, since, since Segundo sounds mainly great.
Le Mystère Des Voix Bulgares by Bulgarian state tv and radio choir is amazing as well.
And right now I’m listening to Benoit Pioulard which has been with me for a long time but I haven’t really listened to it. And now I do, and I think I will listen more.

My own musical adventures don’t really go anywhere much.

I have bunch of pictures on my camera from the summer which I want to upload to darlingdear.net’s photo section, and eventually I will.

This computer of mine starts to brake up… when I press the sides of it… like not the trackpad but like 5 cm from the track pad, it’s still the same as I would push the track pad. Which makes writing bit difficult since I can’t really lay my hands on top of it, but need to hold them bit on the air..
It’s how it is.

Wondering the future like always, but it’s interesting, now I have a structure so I know I’ll be “free” on second week of february, which is hopefully SOS…

By the Way, the prices of Kisakeskus have suddenly gone up with 9 euros per day… Every previous year the price went up about one euro/person/day, now it’s suddenly 9euros/person/day.. I don’t know what is happening but it looks like we need to find new place for the festival… Unless we can talk some sense into that. Or then just stop organizing the whole thing. But really I was thinking of organising some smaller even in kisakeskus during the summer, but with these kind of price rates… maybe not.

Anyway, after SOS I have about 6 weeks free… but I really think I need to make some money.. or work.. I was already hopeful of teaching.. but, well, the original suggestion I got didn’t sound super realistic, and now it’s not going to happen..

I need to write a plan of the piece I want to make in Sevilla, and soon… But to get funding for that so soon… Uh, I’m not sure of… Maybe.

All and all, it’s sometimes hard to be yourself when you feel that being yourself, and not playing along certain roles is making things more difficult… but then again, what is difficult and what kind of roles you want to play?

Partly letting go of everything, as much as I can.
Partly holding on of something.

This society, way of living will brake down.
It has happened so many times before.
Maybe now, humans, if we survive are able to create some other system instead of repeating the old.

And maybe I can find that place already now, before the fall.

Tale to tell?

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