Gain All Wisdom

Ah

Same place.
Every time I got out today it started to rain.
So wet I get.
Only one pair of shoes since I haven’t picked to other ones from Patricia. But hey, they would get wet too.

Reading through Queering Anarchism.
It’s interesting. But I do wonder how we can cast aside all categories.
And if there is categories is it possible not to have hierarchies.

And then I remember one blog writing from Kaaro in HS, about the tribe whose “rule” is that no one can have power over the other, not even adult over the children. So you can give advises, but you can’t demand, or threat. And then i wonder is it just inside of their society, or do they treat other tribes like that as well. And is it still working, are they there somewhere.

Anyway, humans are categoring machines, it’s part of the survival. And easily those categories are labelled with plusses and minuses. But then, why anything that other people do or be, not concerning me, should be either plus or minus. Well, because the other people create me. And it’s easier to understand what I am if there is only binary system. It’s just simple, but most of us know that simplicity isn’t the nature of the nature. There is the norm.. but norm is actually the most common… and pretty much no one is exactly the most common. It’s the average of all, and no one is that either. The average is collided, melted mix of qualities, but pretty much everyone actual person is divergent somehow of that average.
It’s a picture, almost like ideal, except that it’s not really ideal, just average.

Still the questions which arises about state and individual and freedom are extremely important, they’ve always been but I feel them even more important now when so many power structure are really twisted and working wrong.. So question is, do we really need them at all?
And yet, always when I think of ideal, I think of much smaller community, set of people. How to get everything work with this global net we’re having seems very difficult, and yet, must not give up hope.
Actually, I tell I lie, Give up all hope. Hope does little.
Life is amazing, awesome and beautiful. Even when it’s not.

ok, back to personal. How I label, categorise things, and why am I so intrigued when someone doesn’t fit into my, yes usually, binary system… and yet.. how to make it work otherwise.
I remember one person complaining about mens and womens Sauna, what if he doesn’t feel to fit either one.. But at the same time, most of people who are not ok with the mixed sauna, are using the categories of men and women… and no, s/he didn’t tell which categories we should ask.. But next time when I meet hrem I’ll ask.
It’s so easy in finnish when the personal pronoun is void of gender.. it can be whatever.
In english, it’s much harder, even the language uses binary.
So why then when I see a person I can’t put into binary, I really get intrigued which where to place her/him? Why would it matter unless I have some desires… actually even then, even if I would have sexual or romantic desires towards her/him.. why should the binary matter… because?
At the same time.. I know that I’m not really attracted, this far, to persons I can’t set on the opposite binary than myself. So why do I need to know the binary? Beats me, cultural programming?

However, reading about how actually state has been forging the binary gender and the male “dominance”, made me think of something I read from Giorgio Agamben, but it was a bad pdf… so then I surfed a bit of amazon and made about 300€ basket, which I of course cannot buy at the moment. Although one hundred of that is books of Dogen and the rest Giorgio A..

Funnily enough when trying to solve my computer problem, I found out that well.. maybe just getting bigger screen and wireless kayboard and trackpad.. yes another 300€

The same the same.

Looking for a room. Have seen few nice ones, but it’s ot only me choosing.

Somewhere very far someone is making the way on the train. I think it should be here already.

I come to believe UG, there is no orginal though anywhere.

And that brings to my mind this Butoh school in somewhere north india. Princess Pilar has told me stories about it, and jsut now Jonathan told more stories.. I started to feel that I will find myself over there at some point. But maybe I’m totally wrong.

Old Jesu is greater than the new I’m afraid. Old Unholy is great, still after all these years. I don’t even think it’s nostalgia, I think it’s just good.

I have to activate my writing… to write.
Eventhough everything is being said a long time ago…

Btw, blog is a such and easy format, I even though about making one for the poems… but now..
well.. I don’t know… maybe I keep it in old way html in darlingdear.net

Good night and good luck to you all

Rainy and Gray

ah

In Frankfurt.

It rains a lot over here it seems.

Staying at Katja’s and Patricks. Taking care of the dog and two cats. Well, their roommate has been taking care at elast as much as me.. Like today I haven’t even gone out because I only have tabis whch would get totally wet.

Trying to find a place to live, and get teh byrocracy sorted.
Tomorrow I go see one room.
Next week I think I need to visit the school if I don’t hear from them since I should get 2 papers to finland on next week. Luckily in electronic form.

The UNI starts on 14th.. soon. I can stay here till end of the month, which is great.
Too bad Katja is leaving now when I’m here.

We will have a small class it seems, 7, but 7 is a good number.

The deadline I set didn’t hold. How I keep in trust. And at the same time I feel strangely indifferent.
There’s some anxiety under, somewhere, so far that I’m not even sure is it there.
There’s nothing much either, except that there is.

Thinking back of the summer and how great it was. and how great this is.
Is it?
Why is it?
it is.

Knowing… there’s some sense of growing knowledge, about something that I don’t know yet.

And yes, part of me hopes and thinks that it will turn everything better.
But the knowing tells me that everything is better already.

Going throught the bookself of K&P… nice stuff, I hope I can borrow them when they’re on their way, which they will be.

From the depths of computer and harddrives I found brilliant music. Juana Molina, one album but I need to hear more, since, since Segundo sounds mainly great.
Le Mystère Des Voix Bulgares by Bulgarian state tv and radio choir is amazing as well.
And right now I’m listening to Benoit Pioulard which has been with me for a long time but I haven’t really listened to it. And now I do, and I think I will listen more.

My own musical adventures don’t really go anywhere much.

I have bunch of pictures on my camera from the summer which I want to upload to darlingdear.net’s photo section, and eventually I will.

This computer of mine starts to brake up… when I press the sides of it… like not the trackpad but like 5 cm from the track pad, it’s still the same as I would push the track pad. Which makes writing bit difficult since I can’t really lay my hands on top of it, but need to hold them bit on the air..
It’s how it is.

Wondering the future like always, but it’s interesting, now I have a structure so I know I’ll be “free” on second week of february, which is hopefully SOS…

By the Way, the prices of Kisakeskus have suddenly gone up with 9 euros per day… Every previous year the price went up about one euro/person/day, now it’s suddenly 9euros/person/day.. I don’t know what is happening but it looks like we need to find new place for the festival… Unless we can talk some sense into that. Or then just stop organizing the whole thing. But really I was thinking of organising some smaller even in kisakeskus during the summer, but with these kind of price rates… maybe not.

Anyway, after SOS I have about 6 weeks free… but I really think I need to make some money.. or work.. I was already hopeful of teaching.. but, well, the original suggestion I got didn’t sound super realistic, and now it’s not going to happen..

I need to write a plan of the piece I want to make in Sevilla, and soon… But to get funding for that so soon… Uh, I’m not sure of… Maybe.

All and all, it’s sometimes hard to be yourself when you feel that being yourself, and not playing along certain roles is making things more difficult… but then again, what is difficult and what kind of roles you want to play?

Partly letting go of everything, as much as I can.
Partly holding on of something.

This society, way of living will brake down.
It has happened so many times before.
Maybe now, humans, if we survive are able to create some other system instead of repeating the old.

And maybe I can find that place already now, before the fall.