Somehow, here

ah
So now.

What was I going to tell?
That nothing much changes around here.

No room no flat no house.

So back in finlandia…
From Russia where teaching was nice, but the country is heavy.
In metro both St. Peter and Moscow are all the time anouncements that “if you see anyone suspicious, please inform the officers”. In every train station you go trhough metal detectors. and in domestic flights they’re very tight as well.
SO you can’t trust your citizens, should you look about your innerpolitics then. For some reason that I can’t really tell or even know I felt St Peter specially heavy. as a city, as an atmosphere. The people I met in the workshop and who I know from there already are lovely… but something in that city is heavy and making me aggressive… I felt that even when I was coming back… I was there only 6 hours with delightful company of Anja, but I feel the city…
And somehow I would have expected that moscow would have been more heavier… but no.. Who knows. things changes we feel what we feel.

There’s been a long time… Before that I was teaching in Freiburg. Lovely town. Lovely space to teach and lovely people on the workshop and lovely host who’s lovely roommate was out for the weekend and lended me her bike. Biking is great. The city is nice sized. I started to wonder what the hell I’m doing in finland anyway and why did I choose what I chose. Did I chose? Everytime I see full moon I think of her, but then, to think “what if” about past is useless. To think about “what if” about future is not so useless… but there’s not so much point either.

So what now?

Pretty soon I’ll go to ibiza. what there? something…
What then? I’ll go to kiev festival
And then? I’ll go back to ibiza…

So what I’ve been thinking lately?
Why I need to buy things when I don’t even have home where to use those things
Enlightment and how we all are illuminated already, eventhough we do not sense it.

I’ve read “zen mind, beginners mind” by shunrye suzuki.
I’m reading “moon on a dew drop” by dögen…
And I’m reading echart tolle the power of now.
Tolle is surprisingly nice, although he is making some “mistakes” in his explanation… But the practicality of his approach, just to be at the present moment, is very nice… since I lack the dicipline to sit in zazen every day.
But in many ways from all these books I still recommend the most Alan Watts’ the Book. He is so very clear and empathic and even humoristic.

Musicwise, well more drone/ambience… I can’t really tell so clearly anything… New album coming from Ulver. so I should be happy and probably when I hear it I’ll be more than… Listened Colosseums first album and it’s good. It’s very good. Found some nice black metal as well. which is somehow not so serious.. or maybe it is.. but song names like “rosewater cake” doesn’t sound too evil for me. And HAH just now when I check it’s the same members as in Velvet Cacoon so No bloody wonder why it’s so good. Darn I need to get these.
Also TotalSelfHatred‘s first one is good. maybe the rest them as well but haven’t listened them yet. And since we’re on blackmetal, of course the latest one from Deathspell Omega is good, but hey, what else it could be. One more balck metal thing I got long time ago but haven’t mentioned is Cold Body Radiation‘s The Great White Emptiness, rather nice if I remember right. But lately…
well couple last days Ive been listening the Cardigans’ “first band on the moon” and it’s blody great… somehow in the time I “found” The Cardigan’s I never got into that album… but it’s as brilliant as Emmerdale and Life. great great great. listen Step On Meor Losers. Great great great.
Old albums, but so good… Also listened Emmerdale again and Over the Water and Rise & Shine just make me cry from joy… they’re so great.

Within an hour registration for Freiburg festival opens. I think I’ll sign up, eventhough right now i’m not 100% sure I’ll go. Just today I was checking festivals for the summer… there is but I have no idea where I’ll go except ECITE and ETIC are pretty sure.

Yesterday I saw Noora after a while and today I danced with Ilona and chatted with Katja. I’m so glad that there is such a persons in my life. And they’re not the only ones. Oh how Lucky I am.

There’s things I want to work with.
Do I really.

Sorry for the spelling mistakes, too tired to check them now.

Good night and good luck to you all.