I miss the comfort in being sad

ah
Picture from can masdeu, quite a few years ago.

I’ve been meaning to write.
About airbaltic, about monopot->rally->summen.
But I haven’t.

I will, in due time, maybe. Who knows.

Nothing really happens, I get nothing much done. I’ll lose this place to live, but not quite yet.

One festival started. Sidestep festival in helsinki. Dance. Went to see 3 pieces. And two of them were good, the last, made by Kati was brilliant. I enjoyed a lot. Entertaiment? maybe? Art? Maybe? but it didn’t even make me think about these definitions. so good. really good.

Been updating Goa In Touch festival site. I hope they have good second festival there, I heard first one was blast.

Another festival coming up soon. Skiing On Skin. And funny enough this year it isn’t full booked. instead of 110 we have 100. 10 places free. But I don’t wonder why. As an organisation we have been quite spread out. more than ever. And lacking a lot of people in the end. Let’s see what will happen next year, or will it.

Plans… No plans. I have some.
There’s uneasiness inside of me, about the future, about now. I don’t get anything done, but I’m not bored. just tired. Most of this seems useless as it is. But at the same time it’s such a fun. Bodily I haven’t been feeling too well. There’s all the time something bit… off, not right clear. but so little that I know that doctors couldn’t do a thing. In Ukraine I ate really badly.. I try to correct myself here, but not so easy. Still loads of pistachious (which wasn’t and isn’t the worst). I don’t know what it is. What I know is that I haven’t moved enough, danced enough. Practise with Panu has been a good addition, but not enough.

Life or the future is so unclear, but I’m not anxious about it yet, but maybe, a bit uneasy.

Planning a “piece” for a tram because Maija darling asked me to do it with her. A plan, A better plan, questioning, another plan. Simplify simplify simplify. Still reading Alan Watts’ The Book On Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are It affects me a lot, although I know all of this, but he has a such a clear, precise and down to earth way of writing. I really enjoy. Just follow some of the links. I’m not sure is it free, but it seems to be only book by him that is floating around for free, so I hope his copyright owners keep this book floating free. Anyway this helps simplifying, we come back and back to the same question, what is important.

I still remember spending hours on phone leaning on the wall trying to find right answer for her to this question.

Yesterday, I was (again) up too late, and instead of going to sleep I, for some reason, opened a site of firebox, a finnish record label and store. And there was an album by Colosseum. Me remembering, hey, one of my old friends is the lead figure of this band. I haven’t heard from him in years. I open it… and I read that he has dies in may 2010. I seach the net trying to find how? But can’t find anything. Does it really matter? No, not really. He is gone. I think he was one of the most musically talented persons I’ve ever met. I remember, long long time ago, in a bar, him explaining to me how there is beauty in misery/suffering…
Melancholia.

The title of this post comes from song by Nirvana.

Who am I?
All nothing all
It would be nice to write about this, but I think Alan all of this so clearly in his book, that there’s no use to double his words. I couldn’t be as clear anyway.

I don’t know.