Nothingwhatever

ah
I think I have a lot to write, but then, when I finally get here, to write, I have nothing coherent in my mind.

Updated wordpress. Since not being able to work, doing somethings that are close, but not quite, soon.

Having shopping frenzy again. I need to move from the flat I’m living. That’s ok, except I don’t want to. My life has been, yes, way too easy and now it’s becoming a bit harder. If I want to stay in Helsinki, a lot harder, but then again. I don’t really want to stay in helsinki do I. Or more pointedly, I don’t want to stay in finland so much do I?
Then again. If I was offered, or being able to find a job which I really liked, I think I wouldn’t mind so much where I’ll stay. But of course, it’s never the job, the enviroment, the people, it’s all together. That’s it, that’s not.

Earlier on, I wrote about Chuang-Tzû, well not much but just that I got the book. I was talking something about this in Mirva’s place and she had another version, translation, of the book (chinese->english). It’s nice to read them both side to side. It seems that the one she has, translated by Feng & English, is more easily read and understood, but at the same time to me feels like it’s making some curves rather straight. The one I have, translated by Graham, is more difficult to understand, but at the same time has more subleties. Remember english is not my native language. I don’t really know which one I prefer, and that’s why it’s so nice to have them both at hand. Well, now I’m reading onwards with just the Graham one since it’s small. Feng&English one is beautiful with pictures and all, but not really for travelling. So I was quoting something from the book yesterday and Tarzan told me that sounds like “Tales of Power” by Castaneda. Well he borrowed me the book (Castaneda) before I left so of course he’s connecting it to that one. But anyway, most… uh.. teachings (?, in search of a better word) are the same everywhere. Which bring my mind again to mention how stupid I feel for buddhists who keep arguing that Jesus wasn’t a buddha. It’s excatly so bloody western, with it’s “almost but not quite”, not seeing that making that difference we drift farher away. Who is to say who is or was buddha? But this is old news.

Anyway, reading Chuang-Tsû made me think about freedom. Long long time ago I told R that we are free to do whatever we are physically capable. Society confronts us with rules and restrictions, but we are still free. It’s just that with this freedom comes responsibility, consequences. So it’s not the society itself that put’s us to the cage, we do it ourselves. And personally I put myself into the cage because I am afraid. So what I am afraid of? Pain, hurt, wrong. So what is pain, what is hurt, and what on earth is wrong? I am afraid of death. And yet just on previous post I said that I want a release from this, redemption. Why am I afraid of death? All and all I come to this conclusion, to be free is to be without fear of anything. To not see life and death as separate thing but the same. It’s the same thing. Where it comes, great urge to keep on living?

Which bring me back to shopping frenzy. Ordered the Feng&English version of Chuang-Tsu. Got a toy for mixing music, I hope Marko is having fun with it, while I’m away. Got a good kitchen knife, now I just need a kitchen. A new bag. And got 9 boxes for vinyl, unfortenutaly they were bit smaller than I though, so all my ready made piles were too big for them… and I needed to take few albums away from every pile… basically I need to do most of sorting all over again. And I would like to have more things, like another knife, and… well iThouch would be nice. Plus there is always more albums. Oijoi.

Oh yeah. I had a long story about the incompetence of Airbaltic. but I will not write it right now.

Was that all?