Act III
I knew it when you told me in BSAS that it’s the end. That’s why I forced you to say that you leave me, because that’s what you did. And I knew that I forced. And most of the trip down south I was hoping that you would argue that I wouldn’t be right, but you didn’t. And I knew I was right. Why then, when being back home, after SOS I still tried so hard to find a way or a change to hold on?
Drama, I had to play through the last act. Even though I knew that the script was written and it will follow it’s course. Script also wrote my hopes and my desperation. Why did I need to do it, play along? Is it, would it be possible just to skip it, when I know. And at the same time, emotions need to takes their course and time. And at the same time, I do believe that I can diminish or amplify my emotions. And diminishing doesn’t mean repressing or supressing but diminishing. Not give the value. or extra value.
That’s is the point in feelings. because we value things that are ot there so often, we value falling in love, we value hate? But the most important is the everyday, all of this what I feel here, sitting in fromt of computer, outside of a cafe, wind getting colder. Thinking of people who are far away, getting ready to pick up Ilona from the airport.
And I don’t feel much. And I feel much.
Again CI comes to help as an allegory. I think I wrote about it earlier. Dances have become good because it’s all as important. the little shift of weight on my foot is as important as going up to Monika’s shoulder, and they do not exist without each others, and they are as valuable. There’s is no difference, no “more good” or “less good”
Beyond Good and Evil
So what do I value.
Respect commitment openness. And what is true respect, commitment, openness?
This is a great place to test myself. So what I want to test
I know what I want.
Do you want me to dance in your piece? please tell me, if so.
I think I wrote what I wanted. Now.
“Don’t fear, my fire, is enough for the both of us”
