Lay back
First week in the Island.
Not the one on the pic though.
Easy and hard at the same time.
I try to stay in this moment where everything is ok, but I notice myself trying not to worry about future, which means that I worry about future.
But just a bit. Still: Now now now.
The traffic here suggest that you can die any moment anyway, so no reason to think about future, think and be just now.
I think I’m in love, it’s now, but has projections into the future as well.
I try to learn spanish but I’m lazy.. I know, should work more.
Spanish would also help of getting work.
Although I don’t need work, I need money. Although I don’t need money, I need travels and food and shelter. Money is, money comes.
Festival is starting tomorrow, till now everything has been super laid back
Nice and easy and good atmosphere, really warm. dancing together, eating, talking just a bit.
I have to get used to the timing of this place, 5 min being 15, 2 hours being 4.
I teach tomorrow, and I know what, well I think I know. But it always depends of the people, of the mood, of whatever. But I think I have El Camino Real that I’ll follow.
I want my own house. I just don’t know where.
I want an easy life.
I still remember being in the car with John and Juho, going to Purnu meet Ronja to plan a camp. Me just out from Oku dance school wondering what to do and speaking with John. Me saying it won’t be easy and John laughing and saying “but did you really ever though that you would have an easy life”
This island is full of ants. It seems that all the places I sleep in are full of ants as well.
Few nights ago I saw a dream. It was someone’s child drowning. He getting the baby (or a child) out of the water and starting to give kiss of life and pressing the heartbeats. Me coming to help… Child turning out to woman starting to cough, me saying good good, cough the water out.
It was salt water, I know.
Sea is a beaut, but after Altai I feel that… I would like to be next to a river, running, blue green, beautiful, clean water fresh water pure. But not so far from the sea either.
and a lake.
I need to go to south america just to feel it. Can I be there? Can she be somewhere else?
She is somewhere else all the time after all.
What is happy life?
What is happiness?
Who am I?
A Vessel, a stream, a flow, a dam gathering water until pressure breaks. At some point I break,
at some point I break, at some point…
I was flying from Barnaul to Moscow I think, Or moscow to Frankfurt. Watching the sun lit clouds white, and this though filled me with joy: ” I might die today”
It’s the might.
Aeroplanes make me cry, almost always. Leaving something behind, coming to somewhere else, too fast and not fast enough.
All that I do I do, I try to do nothing.
