Fail into your arms
So am I making any more sense now?
I always have these fabulous ideas what to write about and then I forget the topics completely…
But there is some.
nevertheless let’s start with the usual life, whatever that is.
Music, yes, there’s a lot of music. I’ve been listening a lot too. What comes to mind right now? well not much. Favourites stay favourites. Like today I was listening the Smashing Pumpkins Siamese Dream and it is still brilliant. I kinda thought that I would be over it, but no, it is brilliant.
I’m still digitazing my cd collection (and that will take ages, specially… well now, but the scanner I had was collected to the rightful owner so now I can’t scan the covers… This sows me down, in a way…
No, I tell a lie, this is the reason I give myself.
Anyway, listening mostly stuff from Ipod (waking up almost everyday to Black Boned Angel & Nadja’s Christ Send Light, Awesome!!!) and from vinyl. Got new Callisto, which I have listened through couple of times, but from which I can’t really remember anything worth while, except new singer is tricky… at first I almost didn’t like him, but I won’t be so hasty to judge. All of this, me not remembering, doesn’t mean that the album can’t be good, it can be bloody brilliant, it also can be just ok, I just don’t know it yet.
Today I listened to Bohren und der club of gore’s Dolores and that is bloody brilliant.
Did I wrote about Rose Kemp? if not her Unholy Majesty is great album, I rally was so pleasantly surprised. Really really good, Brilliant actually… now, how many times I can use word brilliant in this post? quite a few I guess. Anyway if you don’t know anything about Rose Kemp, you should find out.
Also Got new Susanna Flower of Evil. Nice, but again full of covers, somehow… well all is Susannazined but I was still hoping more of her own material. It’s beautiful album though, in certain limits at least.
Mister Basinski send a mail that he’s releasing a new cd. How happy am I? well pretty much, since El Camino Real was bloody brilliant, and I’m great fan of all his work. This new work I haven’t heard of course.
Oh got new Scraps Of Tape, which I have to say… well to be honest after This is a copy is this a copy it’s very hard to do an album that could top it, so their effort is a good one. Right at this moment can’t really beat This is a copy, but still beats most of the “post rock” or “pop” or “rock” that I’ve heard lately.
Actually after the festival I’ve had this shopping frenzy.. (now what does frenzy mean?), so I got a new phone (that one I really needed, no one could hear me speaking with the old one), a blender and Pod x3 which is nice since now I have been playing my beautiful gibson les paul after a LONG time. So lot’s of stuff, hopefully useful too… well phone has been useful, and blender has been really useful, I’m eating smoothies (with goiji berries, cacao nibs, starberries, and lot) for every breakfast. Also been drinking loads of mate… I actually been thinking how I can I take it with me to all my summer trips… can’t get mate from Altai, can you?
Now, bodily I’m worse shape than in a long time. Firstly I eat too much and drink too little, but that’s nothing really. Real problems, I have had my heel aching about a month now. It started very weak and now it’s bit worse… but it changes. Yesterday when I was at tuesday lab.. through out the whole hour and a half dancing I didn’t notice it at all. Todays rehearsal it really hurt couple of times… And I dont’ know should I massage it or not.. Heal heal heal… Then last week I was rehearsing with Petri (we’re going to perform on 4.4) and I just went to the floor and somehow hit my lower back on the floor so that it’s still hurting… I’ve gone to the floor millions of times and nothing… I don’t really understand…
And even with both of these last sunday jam was awesome. I had such a great dance with mirva, somehow slightly disoriented (specially the beginning) but feeling this great flow of things and choices just opening more and more, directions, pathways. Brilliant. then continuing with Panu with a score “no high lifts” that also so nice, until we had to stop to look for Pierre’s shoes (some poor bastard had taken them, stolen apparently) and then great dance with Katri, it’s always fun because I dont’ really lift her aymore, she just lifts me.. No I tell I lie. I just fall on to her support, she doesn’t really lift me much, as such. Great great great. And yet, my heel and back hurting…
In other dance life, like work I really feel that I’m not too good at it. like contemporary dance… I’m good at improvising working with scores, and strucktures, but with tightly set movements into counts of eight… uh, I would like to be good, but I’m not, at least just yet. Mebbe if I have chance to be in more pieces where I need that I’ll improve. But it’s unlikely that I’ll start to practise that without good reason, like work.
At the same time I’m painfly aware that I don’t take care of my future enough… money should be applied now (well most of it should have had applied already) but I don’t have wonderful idea’s.. Well I do but it’s quite hard to express them in writing. specially when they should be expressed by movement. Well I try to get one application done.
Ok so quite a lot about “my” life. Lot of things also missing but if you know me you now. If you don’t ask.
So I was visiting marko and we started to talk about artificial intelligence. This led to…well
My question or hypothesis is that intelligence, as we know it, or at least as I understand it, has a if not personality, identity.
First I though about personality, but then I started t think of swarm/hive intelligence, so maybe they (the hive) don’t have personality (can bee keepers tell different hives from each other by their personality, not the place) but they do have identity, I’m sure about it. Also intelligence is created by perceiving. so what are the means how artificial intelligence can perceive? and from that perception it will create a view of the world, it’s possibilities to communicate with, and affect to it. It will create a place for it self in this world, A personality A identity. Scientist are so nice, they’re finding all the time more and more about animals, and how many of the things (views) we though only humans have are actually shared. I have this memory of reading that even fishes have some kind of self image and view about their place in the swarm. Funny that.
So again this all comes to the fact I’ve been saying already before. We are nothing without perception and we perceive with body. I am my body… I am that pain in my heel. and at the same time, there s no I.. Bloody buddhists, they’re everywhere.
Ah so.. the other thing is actually connected.. well everything is connected. I though why I want so much stuff? and I realised I try to have some kind of anchor. to be attached to something because it’s so scary not to be attached to anything. That’s why we need people, or places or stuff to be attached to something, because those attachements keep on telling us what and who we are. And that’s why every once in a while some people throw it all away (well all that they can/want) because they don’t want to be the person those things/person are telling them to be. With getting things, I desperatöy try to figure out or tell myself who I am. But I’m nothing of those things. I can and will change endlessly, I can try to deny it, sure, but it will happen anyway. Changes can of course be small or big (like I still like a lot of Siamese Dream, like I did over ten years ago), but they will happen. There is no me, no I that would stay. Now, how can I learn to really accept that, and understand that I don’t really need the stuff, or the people or places or anything. And yet I keep on needing them.
I care because you do.
Oh and as an ending, well kind of, for this post. I have had this song, called Old Age as my favourite for a really long time. I remember playing it in Earthdance one night. and it was there before so it’s at elast from 2005. Lyrics of course came up Much later, part of it on 2006 lots of part later, and I’m still not sure are the lyrics really ready. Anyhow I finally got it almost recorded the way I want (well I though so) and at the same time I found out something important about my Fostex 16-tracker: So I have these 5 tracks, 3 guitars and 2 vocals. and I’m making internal mix from them. So from PG 25 “old Age” I will mix these five tracks together and fostex will make from this mix PG 43 “Int.mix old age”. So in all the senses PG 43 should soun the same as I hear PG 25 sounding while I’m making the mix. But surprise! It deosn’t! eveything is much more back, further away and silent… So dear engineers who made this machine, How the hell I should get good results when the resolution of the mix doesn’t sound the same as when I’m mixing it? Anyway. here you are:
Good night and good luck to you all.
