signs of life

Well definite sign of No life is that I’m updating all the time.
Nevertheless this is because I just put Kongh’s Counting Heartbeats to my vinyl player and I have to advertise a bit.
Heavy riffs, mid tempos, great riffs, good songs. Only thing that needs a bit used to is vocals, they are so one sided somehow. So even me who is used of growling and yelling had some troubles, but eventually they win me n their side. Great album.


And just now I was trying to trash somethings on my desktop. For some reason it didn’t want to throw the folder to the trash so I tried again and again until finally it disapperaed and I hit empty trash. It showed multiple itmes to throw away and suddenly I noticed that whole “mother” folder had gone into trash. I hit stop, but lost 7GB of information. Deeply annoyed, eventhough nothing of the lost info (on the first look) doesn’t seem to be vital. Still, this machine is getting so slow. Grrr.

Visible Forms

Audrey came up from my iTunes. Visible Forms is so lovely album that I have a great urge to order it on vinyl. Mecklenburg is a great starter, full of sadness and melancholy and love and small amounts of hope and tenderness.

Go listen.

And if you like it you should buy the album since Traverse, which is the last song that album is as good as the starter, and eveything in between is awesome as well.

Somehow ths music brings up so much. Memories, feelings, sadness. But I promised myself that I will not relate music to any person any moment any memory. Of course this is not possible, but it’s possible to find new memories, new moments to relate that music to.

Anyway if you visit Audrey‘s site, you’ll notice that they have finished recording of their second album. I guess and hope that it will be released (like visible forms) by a tenderversion recordings (in sweden/northern europe) and by sinnbus (in germany/central europe). Although I can’t be sure. I’m slightly worried since there ahs been anything happening with a tenderversion recordings site. Of course it’s a small label and all. But still I hope it’s still working and okay. They have released quite a few my favourite albums, Audrey and Scraps of Tape and Once We Were. Actually I’ve been listening them all lately, although just a few songs. I got this thing about drummers, or drums. Listen Once We Were‘s Cut Corners. The riff and the guitar mass is such a wealth, and then after the “pause” just hear the fills, those are so fucking awwesome with full of power and heart.

Also Repulsion is still one of the best songs ever made.

And then from Scraps of Tape I’ve been rotating 13 thousand. Of course again the starting riff is brilliant, I’m always sucker for howling distorted guitars. Plus I like the lyrics a lot “you need the friends you’ve left to wrap around your heart”. No wonder this was on my top 2007.

Lonely time here.

how does it feel to realise tha no body really misses me. If I would go it’s probably only parents who would really miss me, I’m their only child after all. All the friends would maybe remember me sometimes and wonder how things are, but to really miss. No, I don’t think so. Then again what it is to miss? Again this sounds like huge self pitying, but it isn’t realy. I just know how many people goes trhough our lives, they appear, stay a while and disappear. It’s the same thing other way around. There are some people I think I would remember and sometimes think how they are, but to miss? Who I would be missing? I’m not sure anymore. All things pass and everythings the same. This is quite relieving, hopefull and sad at the same time. There is no other meaning than what I create. There’s no meaning in my life. So I need to create one, do I?

How do we create meanings? What we give meaning to. What feels meaningfull. Full, is anything full anymore, was it ever. We try to fill, that’s for sure. I’m starting to understand more and more of rituals, rhythms, patterns and repetation. I think that through repetition, ritual it’s possible to find the meaning the lies underneath this all. We been tricked to search it from filling, trying to get full. Maybe we should turn it to emptying. But really there’s nothing.

Nice thing about ritual is that it doesn’t have to make any sense, it doesn’t have to be reasonable. It can, basically be whatever, silent prayer during the day, certain set of movements in the morning, certain way you place your dishes before you eat. It can be anything, and underneath it, through that repetition, it might be found.

We are searching too much. All is already here, as we all know. It’s just so hard to understand, to feel, to trust upon it. That there’s really nothing and that is all that there’s need to be, everything. Both words are describing something that we, as humans can’t truly realize with our conscious mind. Try to thing of nothing and you thing of empty, void, not even void, space between, try to think everything and you still think of parts, maybe big parts. maybe you think of universe but how can you think of universe when you don’t know what it is.

No, I’m not on drugs.

So eventually I can be whatever I want to, Brings me mind of Diceman. Should read that again.
Actually all this is related to art, to me this “nothing/everything” is something that art is trying to reach. The substance.

I visited my grandmother yesterday. She thinks she’ll die on spring, or so she had though she said. I hope she does. She’s old 92, and somehow I hope that we all could leave with our wits. Anyway she, well told me a lot of things, but two things specially that I should remember. 1st – that I should never stop singing, sing to the walls but keep on singing no matter how old you get, never stop. 2nd – As long as you have bread and roof the amount of money is all the same. Shelter and food, everything else is extra which you can’t get with you anyway. So here you are then.

The only reason to live is to live, again, relieving and sad at the same time. To be is to be.

So I got this piece called Everything’s the same. I haven’t performed it much since I haven’t performed much. I should, be more active. It’s physics, the amount of energy in closed system remains the same, it might change it’s form (heat energy-movement energy), but the amount stays the same. Is universe closed system? Everything’s the same.
And I’m not the only one.

Displaced

my twin

Some time ago I visited anttila, and found Katatonia’s Great Cold Distance on red vinyl. Fairly cheap so I bought it (yes that was before xmas when I had some money). When I got home I noticed that on side D are some single B-sides. And lately I’ve been listening it, the starter of D-side, displaced is alone reason to get that album. (okey my twin single would have come cheaper but it’s not red vinyl). Great great song, just the way Katatonia does them. I wonder why it didn’t make it to the album on the first place.

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All things

snowsun
Everything’s the same, and yet, all things will pass.

and somehow..

aargh

Into the world of things.
My friend Marko told me about this shop that sells Karhu originals for 60€, I got some. Why. Last time I bought sneakers (or shoes for that matter) was in summer 2004 when I got three pairs of the sneakers I liked. Now 2008 the last pair is still usable, but not for long (and no, I haven’t been wearing them in winter). So now I do the same. And good side with Karhu is that they mainly made in finland, although some are made is tallinn, which isn’t far either, and most probably by adults who get proper salary for making them. No sweatshops. And I quite like their collection.


USBM arrived. All green and red vinyl except Lurker of Chalice which is blue/black. I’ve mainly listened Leviathans The Blind Wound. I got them yesterday as well as I got packet from tonefloat. Bass Communion II and Theo Travis’ Slow life. Travis sounds nice, but I’m deeply annoyed by the scratch or click noise on the side four. I tried to look the surface of the vinyl, but I see now flaw. And it was the first time I listen to it, straight from inside jacket to plate. So that noise is not my doings. Maybe I should put it up somewhere and write to tone float and ask about the pressing. Maybe I’ll do that.


Otherwise nothing much, or maybe something. I went to see this dance/theatre/musical piece, mainly about living in suburb. First: Writing good finnish lyric is very hard, many times I felt the shivers of shame in my spine. -> Thumbs up to the performers, it need guts to sing something like that (no, not all the lyrics were bad, just some parts).
Second: Again I feel I’m being told something I already know and by using clichés, why? Don’t we have enough american movies doing the same thing. Well of course those are american clichés, where as here we have finnish clichés but why am I being told this “story”. All and all it made me feel sad, mainly because our life looks really sad, and it is. secondly that I’m being told that our life is sad, Yes I know it already. Actually I’m very much against narratives right now. Specially when I think of dance. I wrote a long letter to my friend and some of it concerning about this, so let me quote myself:

I’ve keep seeing these dance piece’s [with] high use a lot of voice and music and singing. I somehow long for pieces that are only movement, only to see if there is anything. Can it move me in anyway?
I keep seeing these pieces that seem to be telling me something I already know. And I wonder why they want to tell me that? Then I wonder what I want to tell, and I don’t know.

Some people say, that to make dance piece easier to the audience, there should be something recognizable. From normal life or culture or whatnot. Why? When I hear music there’s nothing that I can connect with everyday life (unless [in]the lyrics), And yet music has the chance of moving me deeply. Why the movement couldn’t do the same. And I know it can. But why everybody (more or less) accepts the music that can be totally abstract and still capable to make us feel, but not movement?
Why on applying grants I have to tell what the piece is about – I don’t know. How anyone can say what some music piece is about? And strangely, often classical music is about something. But it’s ok the listener not to know it. So why should the watcher of dance piece know what it’s about. It’s happening, you see what is happening, it might move you or then not.

So, I don’t want narratives. But I can’t say what I want. It’s the same thing with music. Words descriping the thing lack the thing itself. I can describe a good song, but there’s a whole bunch of songs that will fall straight into that description and they still don’t move/touch me, I might hate them, more likely.
That’s what I like about dance or movement or music, that in the end I cannot not talk about it. I can use some words and maybe if the person I’m talking have seen/heard the same piece s/he will understand what I’m saying, maybe. And to the person who has not, it might build up some expectations or some image but ultimately s/he can not understand.
When it’s so clear that with movement there’s a chance to go deeper, why I feel I see so many pieces trying to use words, trying to explain(maybe) and thus staying on the surface, or at least offering the watcher the easy surface to stay with.

How then build a piece that moves? I do not know. let me quote myself again

So when thinking of dance and myself, I would like to make a dance that moves something, makes somebody feel. And yet I don’t know how to do it. With music I don’t know it either, but usually the music I make, makes me feel something. But so far, from the small amount of feedback I have gotten (it’s also small amount of people who have heard anything), I can’t really say that my music has moved anyone, it might have, sure. How I am supposed to justify my attemps to make art, dance or music, when there’s no evidence what so ever, that I could make people think or feel, a bit more. And then, why do I have to justify it in the first place? The answer is saddening, to live, to be able to live, to make money.

Is there a chance to live with art. I so hope there would be, but not for all who would want it. Not for me it seems. So how do I deal with the situation I am. How am I able to change it?

Oh well, same questions over and over again.
Everything’s the same my dear, and somehow, it will never end.

Drone to my ears



At the end of last week I got big packet from germany containing some drone. 6 x 10″ of Subtantia Innominata and then a couple of 7″. I actually ordered just two 7″, Aidan Baker’s Same River Twice and Pavel Grabowski’s Cirr’s Song, both really great. But I also got a couple of promo 7″ along which was nice.

So I haven’t listened them all too well yet since on the same packet was also 6 cd’s of Aidan Baker, but already I can say something. First clear thing is that all those 7″ are much nicer than most of 10″ Thise means I have to look into getting more of those 7″ from drone rec. Some of those 10″ are probably growing to be really good. Like Daniel Menche’s Radiant Blood and Noise-maker’s fifes Zona Incerta and some are maybe not that great, like RWL’s Contours Imaginaires. Then again at this point I shouldn’t make too big statements. What I do know is that Delphium’s Snowhill-X ep sounded really nice as well as Yui Onodera’s Synergetics

Then from Aidan I got Thoughspan which I think should also be in Top 2007. Also got Sea Swells a bit…, The taste of summer on your skin, Dance of lonely molecules, At the base of the mind is coiled a serpent and Oneiromancer (2cd version). From those I have really gotten through Thoughspan, Sea Swells a bit… and the taste of summer on your skin and right now I like them all. Just checked Aidan discography the other day (solo discography that is) and it’s huge. A lot of releases small cd or cd-r prints sold out long time ago. So unfair. But luckily maybe I can find them drifting through the net. Or maybe I can just write to him if he knows a way to get some of those in form or another.

BTW Nadja/Aidan is doing a release in Subtantia Innominata series and very soon should be out the vinyl version of Thaumogenesis a must. Lot of stuff, like always.

OK, I’ll go and listen some more drone.

Good night and good luck to you all.

Top 2007


UlverShadows of the Sun
I think if you read my post about this album this should be pretty obvious.


NadjaGuilted by the sun, Corrasion, Radiance of shadows and Bodycage
This year I found Nadja. Many of these are re-releases, well no actually just Corrasion, although Radiance of Shadows includes I Have Tasted the Fire Inside Your Mouth. Bodycage is included because of the vinyl version, which has two non cd tracks, was released 2007. Actually it doesn’t really matter. Anyway Nadja has been a saviour of this year.


Aidan BakerGreen and cold & Figures
To be hones there might be more. Mr. baker releases quite a lot, and I haven’t had a change to hear them all. Both of these are re-releases too I guess. Anyway Figures is my favourite still, as an album and Green and Cold has some killer tracks in it, like Chainsaw


William BasinskiEl Camino Real
Beautiful beautiful loop. One of my favourites from Mr. Basinski


Scraps of TapeThis is a copy is this a copy
Makes you wonder what they put into swedish water. Scraps of Tape, Once We Were, Aerial, Audrey… list goes on and on. But this album here has a beautiful songs, awesome interlaced guitars, horns, what not. I actually though this was 2006 release but no, this years.


DHGSupervillain Outcast
I like it.


Rob CrowLiving Well
Best pop album this year I guess. And he has such a lovely voice. And really good songs. And keeps them simple and short. Great great great. And I love the orange black splatter vinyl I have.


Promise and the MonsterTransparent Knives
My friend Jussi asked (by mail) have I heard this. I was browsing through dotshop at the moment when I read it (multitasking) and this came across there with couple of samples. I listened them and ordered the vinyl straight away. Lovely sad songs. I really got dissapointed for not going to José Gonzáles’ gig only when I heard that she was there as a supporting act.


AerialThe Sentinel
“Static noise buzz between lightning and air” One definet key, the point when those words come on the end of the song. I love it. But I have to admit that I love even more their previous ep Black Rain from the Bombing. Nevertheless The Sentinel is really strong too, and I can’t wait their new ep which is coming any minute now. I really recommend this to everyone. Go to No Method and order them both right now, or wait till the new ep get’s there too. And again same question what is it with swedes (Promise and the monster is also from there). Anyway Both of Aerials cd contain some lovely guitar work and really awesome songs if you’re ito certain kind of melancholy. BRftB always brings Sonic Youth to my mind, but I can’t really say why. So if you’re into Sonic Youth you should hear them too.


ContinuumRecycings Vol I
Continuum is a project of Bass Communion and vidna Obmana. This recycling vol I is mainly constructed by vidna Obmana from material by Bass Communion. Or then I’m completely wrong. How ever the side four is one of the best… drone what not I’ve heard in a long time… Stunningly beautiful, such a magnificent piece of melancholy…


ContinuumVol II
I bought the first Continuum by accident, in a way. I was in a record store waiting for my train to leave and it had a beautiful cover. I asked to hear it and even though the shop keeper said it probably isn’t worth it since that music needs a bit more time, I listened it a bit and decided to buy it. Later on it became even better. So of course I wanted the 2nd one. And it’s really good also, different but good. I actually wonder how much Nadja has affected to vol II. Then again Steve Wilson and Vidna Obmana/Fear Falls Burning have used quite a lot of elecctric guitar by themselves even before Nadja… Oh well. The cd is Good anyway.


EfterklangUnder Giant Trees and I think also Parades
It’s like good sides of St. mount zion and björk and bunch of other thrown together. It’s not completely new but it doesn’t have to. Instrumentations great vocals choir what not. If you’re into St mount zion but always hated the way the ” lead” singer sings (like me) then it’s really worth to Efterklang out. Under Giant trees took some time to get into and that’s why the Parades are here too, I trust that it will get better every time I listen to it.


Do Make Say ThinkYou, You’re History in Rust
At first I was really dissapointed to this album. It felt too happy, very different than the previous ones (I love goodbye enemy airship…. and &yet & yet), not enough melancholy in there. But after many listening it got better all the time and suddenly I realised it is great.


JESUConqueror
I have written about this here a lot. IT’s still good even though at first I felt… Well the only Letdown is Mother Earth, that is still horribly annoying song. Even though the ending riff is great. But if you like this, get Debut, Heartache and Silver. To me Silver is still solid, and also the reason this album isn’t letdown. Silver points to direction of conqueror so clearly. But How I hoped I could get another Debut or Heartache. And isn’t nice that Justin doesn’t hace to care at all. He can do what he wants. Jeij.



Velvet CacoonGenevieve
Velvet CacoonNorthsuite
Okay these both are released times ago (Genevieve 2004 and Northsuite 2005), but since both are now re-released on vinyl and since I just found them I take them here. Typically to bm bands Northsuite is actually recorded earlier than Genevieve but released after. This promises good for the new album (that will hopefulle come on 2008), since Genevieve is better but both are great, if you happen to like atmosphere.

Um… is that it? I’m not sure, but these list always changes don’t they? Already there a few things on a list that is not released on 2007, but I have to mention at least one more which is also something I’ve been writing quite a lot in here, and that is:


Kam:AsPanic Among Whales
I got a link to this after I wrote to their guest book (yes they had real webpages then). One member of the band told me they did it for xmas present for themselves and their friends. But he gave me a link to mp3. After I had heard it I wrote him again and asked could I share that link here. He answered: yes. I also asked why hasn’t sinnbus or somebody else released it, since it’s so great that everybody should hear it. Well it wasn’t made for it. But great news ( in a way) Sinnbus has released it now as a digital edition. So Now they can hopefully get some money out of it (it’s work after all) and hopefully more people will here it (since it’s advertised etc). check that myspace page it contains both Top songs one of my hot burnout ballads (definite key) and of lioness and warlords. Actually you should buy the thing just for those two songs, but there’s a bonus. Other songs are damn awesome too. Hey! so actually this is 2007 release!! Great take this to the top of the list… Almost.

No, really these are not really in order except for the first one. I really do think that Shadows of the Sun is the best album released this year, then where the others come is much more harder to say. Who wants second places anyway?

There’s a lot of stuff from 2007 that I haven’t yet heard there’s a lot of good stuff that I don’t even know yet. It’s the beauty of it. It’s so nice to rave about Loveless which is released ’91, now, after 16 years, just because I heard it just now. So maybe on 2030 I’ll rave about something released on 2007… You never know

Ps. All the pictures are found using google. so they might disappear….

Sleep Free

flaf
My rhythm of sleep is totally messed.

First day of the year, or night, actually morning. I’m up reading and now apparently writing.
I whish I could say: Still, pretty good year, but as we all understand I can’t.

With a few friends rising toasts for better year to come.
Maybe it will.

It feels wierd to go back to “normal” life, after all what is my normal? There’s no strucKture, no continuation. I feel.

I’ve been thinking my top 2007 but it comes in a few days, maybe even today, but only after sleep.

Listening a lot of USBM. Black Metal from US that is.
I’m really into Xasthur like I mentioned in previous post and now my new favourite song is “The Fourth Blind Wound” From Leviathan’s The Blind Wound ep. And even though I claimed in last post that it was lucky that Xasthurs Subliminal Genocide was sold out, I noticed that I wasn’t. Found grey vinyl version and ordered it, as well as red/green from that Leviathan The Blind Wound and 2 other releases from Xasthur as well as 2 from Leviathan. All on colored vinyl. I’m a sucker I am, I know. Now I just wait.

I hope that Aidan’s and the other drones will come this coming week. Aidan is heavily on my top 2007 btw.

Also found clear version of Shadows of the Sun and since I’m such a fanboy I ordered it. I read from Jester that there was this very special limited version released by the end records but it seems I was too late for that. Bummer.

There’s a lot of stuff I should listen soon. I noticed that one reason for me to listen new things is to figure out do I want them, early enough to be able to get limited colored vinyl pressings. Haha. It’s kind of sad, but what else there is in my life?

Not enough apparently since I’m really thinking of getting PSP. Sad though that the games are so expensive and if you want to use copied ones you have to mod the thingy which cuts off the warranty. But I could use some wipe out.
There’s always things to need (hard disk, scanner, stereo amplifier and speakers, new vinyl player) My records player really worries me, it has hard time sometimes to stay on 45 rpm. Oh brother. All these things point out into one direction: get a job.

When visiting my mother, I again though that I should ty to get rid of all of the materia, which pretty soon came to: most of materia. I don’t think I’ll give up buying music, vinyl and cd. I don’t think I’ll go with out computer, but books I can get from library, dvd’s I can borrow or rent. I don’t really need to buy them. Library is a great system. I just reserved simpson dvd’s from season 5 to 8. There’s a huge queue of course, so I get them when I get them and not on the same time (which is good), but I’ll get them and see them, I don’t need to have them on my shelf.

So again I’m writing about things. I could write about people, how annoying we all are at times, and how annoying it is to notice yourself being annoying and mean, without chance and will to really change it. Sometimes.

Release – Let go